Hate is easy, Love takes courage...

Why would I choose a topic for school that hurts so bad?

I feel like someone is sucking the air out of my lungs.

The physical pain that comes with emotion can be so intense.

(386): Don’t ask how, but I’m pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland…

(519): her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs

(412): remeber the saying “bad choices make good memories” dude our bad choices dont even make memories.

(919): It’s hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.

(248): We aren’t going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
(440): I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
(248): Playoffs. This shit is serious.

(203): So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.

(330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

(434): NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

I literally laughed out loud at some of these, others were just wayy to relatable. Haha

My kidneys hurt. Story of my life. Except for just right kidney, I am now both kidneys. Ugh.

No drive to get my media kit done, even though this will likely be a huge part of my portfolio…. If I ever go into PR.

I’m in a weird mood…. I think it’s the weather. I am so over the cold. The 80+ degree weather is what I love.
I think I’m getting really depressed about going through surgery again. It knocked me down so hard last time, I’m not sure I’m back up again…. Regardless of the actual cause, I’m sure the cause of my constant need for craziness is due to some aspect involving my back… surgery/the fact that I still am in miserable pain/having to “retire”/not being able to work out….

Some days life feels so fucking great I don’t know what to do. And others, I’m like what the hell am I doing, this isn’t where I want to be.

Oh life.
Law school is looming, I want to pukeee.
I wish I could find a rad promotions job….
But could I handle being poor for a while? Ha questions loom…

I love this Tumblr app, just sayin.
Maybe as much as “Stripped Down Version” by Butch Walker :)

He’s adorable….

davecandoit:

… who took time to feed me answers :::  i give you my eternal palm love

keep it secret … keep it safe

I was watching this really stupid movie a little while ago, but there was a memorable quote, which I forget the exact words too…. But, it really reitterated something I need to remember - If life isn’t the way you want it to be, you need to do something about it - make the necessary changes. Start now, don’t put it off. There are obviousloy limitations to things you can do this exact second but making changes starting today is the only way to be :)

It’s so easy to think about how you want things to be, and think you’ll do something about it a week, a month, 6 months from now, next year… but then it always gets delayed.

Start living for what you want today.

:)

I’m literally nauseous. It’s finally becoming reality, in the most horrific way. Days left until I tell them, which will be like a weight off my chest but at the same time the thought makes me never want the weight to be gone. I’m not sure I can breathe without it. I’m crying thinking about it. This is one of, if not, the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.
I’m not sure what else I have. This is my identity. This is all I have known for the last 8 years. This is WHO I AM. This is what I am, This is all I do.
I am scared out of my mind. What if there is nothing else I am ever good at in my life.

It’s never good enough, to just be good enough.

I’m writing songs I’ll never sing.

I need to get slightly sloppy so I can write something open, worth something with feeling and meaning.

That’s when I’m at my best, only in terms of writing of course.

I would write you the world if it mattered, if it got us somewhere.

I’m a rollercoaster of emotions today. Big decisions are eating away at me.

I need to step up and just do it already.

Life plan. Live on a strawberry farm in California, not far from the ocean, ideally with mountain views, wonderful green land :) warm sunny weather - spend my days managing and promoting some talented musicians.

Travel the world, for work and play.

Yeah, life might just be perfect if that could come true.

If only all of my bestest friends could live with me on my strawberry farm.

:)

you can’t break what never was. 2 minutes ago from web 

i’m a mess of one-lined sad songs and forget-me-nots. if it was possible to love you more, i would. 4 minutes ago from web

sort through the mess, the hype, the bull shit, the drama, buried deep is something real. 13 minutes ago from web

don’t say it if you don’t mean. 14 minutes ago from web

there’s a line between compromise and sacrifice…………. 21 minutes ago from web

i’m just not good enough…. 7:52 PM Nov 20th from mobile web

i’m pretty sure that i love each one of you way more than you love me…. 7:48 PM Nov 20th from mobile web

I’m just so scared you’ll figure me out. 11:32 PM Nov 18th from web

just because you know it’s inevitable doesn’t make it any better 12:28 AM Nov 17th from mobile web there does eventually become a point where you draw the line (i think, i hope, i pray, i know?)

i can’t pretend to like it, love it, i just can not fake it, it’s not what it used to be…. holding on as long as I can - I need change. 9:31 PM Nov 2nd from web I don’t care if it’s running away……. 9:30 PM Nov 2nd from web if you have no hope in me, how should I find hope in myself? 9:30 PM Nov 2nd from web What if I just don’t love it anymore? 7:27 PM Nov 2nd from txt

I’m just so scared you’ll figure me out.

So since law school is looking more and more like what I shall do, I think this summer will have to be more about

- checking out law schools, which is a good thing, because that means travel! : )

- but staying back here and interning and working, to save money for all the travel

- super prepping for the June LSAT, in case prep for this february LSAT doesn’t go quite as planned….

I sort of just want to do really really well on the LSAT to prove I’m smart again. I have been “stupid” for so long that so many people fail to realize how smart I used to be. I think I can be that again, no, I know I can be that again. My big goal is 170. I have no idea how hard that is, but I think anything 165 and over is pretty good, but I’m seriously aiming for 170. I know everyone in the world would probably think I was INSANE but that’s okay! I’m going to give it all I got!! :)

If you can’t tell, track is becoming less and less of a top priority in my life…

I’m planning for my get away. I’m not sure if I’m running away or if a clean start is even polssible for me, the same problems will probably follow me - but all I want is a shot in a new place, and I want that place far from here. It’s not Grand Rapids, it’s more everything else. I’m too close to home and history, yes 3 1/2 hrs is way to damn close. I keep getting sucked back into what I don’t want to be a part of.

548 til graduation. April 30th, 2011. :D if I’m still throwing, then I’ll have to wait til May 30th (ish) to leave, so my countdown gets pushed back to 578 days.

I think I can handle that. The plan for now is be ready and prepared. I am going to join PRSSA at semester, whether I want too or not, it’s something I MUST do, I can’t keep saying I’m going too and not…. I should pick something else too - my resume could use a little more.

I am applying for a ton of amazing internships this summer in LA, but also one or two here and probably a couple other places. I think spending a summer in LA will give me a good chance to get an intro too it, maybe make some contacts? Apply for some jobs? I guess I’m not even completely sure how early in advance you need to apply for jobs, so I need to find all of that stuff out!

All I know is I’m making this happen because I won’t make it if I don’t. I’m miserable and hating this right now. I’m SO sick of school and my back is one of the most insane things I’ve had to deal with and is literally draining me of all sanity/positivity/energy/drive/etc.